I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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