i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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