At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
