i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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