her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
