its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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