I wanna passion pit in your ass
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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