I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
