wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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