I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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