there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
