So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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