I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
