i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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