drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
