hell yes lets make some ravioli
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
