How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
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I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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