my mouth tastes like poor choices
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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