Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
