I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
