eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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