Yo dont text me then not text me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
