Non-Jews are for practice
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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