I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
