I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
