Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
