He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
