I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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