i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
