My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
is it fun? or sober?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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