You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
