During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
