Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
