I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
