So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You're like the curious george of whores
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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