my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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