forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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