my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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