By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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