I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
