even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
do herpes really smell.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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