I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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