I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
