The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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