capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
