I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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