this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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