you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
