Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Randomize
