You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Ladies don't puke and tell
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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