No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
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Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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