wanna go halves on a baby?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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