I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
