I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
