im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
