Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
