Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
