Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
