I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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