Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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