I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
