Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
