Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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