3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
