dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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