My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
