She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
