I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
