If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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