after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
