About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
