You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
40s are totally the cure
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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