Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
