you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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